Peer Review of an Essay (3 pages long) – 15 questions

Hi, I need to do a Peer Review. (I am attaching the essay)You don’t need to do any modification or editing on the draft essay; only answer the following questions:Please respond in detailed, complete sentences, and always explain your answer.IN GENERAL1. What did you like best about this paper? Why?2. What do you like least about this paper? How can it be improved?3. Other general comments?FOCUS4. What is your partnerâ??s thesis or claim? Where is it located? Discuss questions or thoughts about the claim here. 5. Do you get a sense of the paperâ??s direction and focus early on? Why or why not? 6. Has your partner identified an issue? Does your partner divide his or her big topic/issue into 3 or 4 main sections to support the claim? What are they? DEVELOPMENT / STYLE7. Has the subject matter been explored and explained thoroughly? Do you have questions about what is going on in any of the sections? What sections need more development?8. Did the author use any good argument strategies (induction, deduction, argument by authority, statistics, etc)? Name one.9. Did the author use any fallacious logic or shady techniques (post hoc, ad hominem, hasty generalizations)? If so, where?10. Does the author use an effective introduction? What is it? Does the introduction grab your interest? Does it set up the rest of the paper? Is there a creative technique that the author could add to make his or her introduction livelier?11. Does the author use an effective conclusion strategy? What is it? Does it bring the paper to a satisfactory conclusion?ORGANIZATION12. Does the body of the paper follow the organization suggested by the introduction?13. Does each body paragraph have a topic sentence or unifying idea? Could you underline each one? If you had to go back to outline this paper, could you? 14. Does the paper have smooth transitions from paragraph to paragraph? Does the essay flow well from idea to idea? Where can these links be smoother?MECHANICS:15. Were you impeded by grammatical or mechanical errors?
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Please respond in detailed, complete sentences, and always explain your
answer.
IN GENERAL
1. What did you like best about this paper? Why?
2. What do you like least about this paper? How can it be improved?
3. Other general comments?
FOCUS
4. What is your partnerâ??s thesis or claim? Where is it located? Discuss
questions or thoughts about the claim here.
5. Do you get a sense of the paperâ??s direction and focus early on? Why or
why not?
6. Has your partner identified an issue? Does your partner divide his or her
big topic/issue into 3 or 4 main sections to support the claim? What are
they?
DEVELOPMENT / STYLE
7. Has the subject matter been explored and explained thoroughly? Do
you have questions about what is going on in any of the sections?
What sections need more development?
8. Did the author use any good argument strategies (induction, deduction,
argument by authority, statistics, etc)? Name one.
9. Did the author use any fallacious logic or shady techniques (post hoc, ad
hominem, hasty generalizations)? If so, where?
10. Does the author use an effective introduction? What is it? Does the
introduction grab your interest? Does it set up the rest of the paper? Is
there a creative technique that the author could add to make his or her
introduction livelier?
11. Does the author use an effective conclusion strategy? What is it? Does
it bring the paper to a satisfactory conclusion?
ORGANIZATION
12. Does the body of the paper follow the organization suggested by the
introduction?
13. Does each body paragraph have a topic sentence or unifying idea?
Could you underline each one? If you had to go back to outline this
paper, could you?
14. Does the paper have smooth transitions from paragraph to paragraph?
Does the essay flow well from idea to idea? Where can these links be
smoother?
MECHANICS:
15. Were you impeded by grammatical or mechanical errors?
Video games that are popular today are vastly different than those that
were popular many years ago. Video games seem to be progressively getting
more and more violent each year. Years ago, the popular video games had you
chasing fruit. Now, they have you committing mass murder. Thatâ??s a drastic leap
in subject material. Granted, not all video games are violent. However, the most
advertised games seem to be the very violent ones, that gained their popularity
by being action-packed and addicting. More games are made every year, and the
violence seems to increase. Not only have the games themselves changed, but
the way weâ??re playing them has changed, too. Games can be played on a PC, a
game console, a hand-held console, your phone, and more, and all from the
comfort of your own house. Itâ??s become habitual for kids to stay up late every
night and play their favorite game. With their prolonged exposure, paired with
isolating themselves in their rooms all night, could they be influenced to express
more aggressive and violent behavior? I believe violent video games increase
aggression in gamers who are more susceptible to influence, such as those who
play every day or those with a violent predisposition.
Kids who isolate themselves to play video games for long hours are more
likely to express aggressive behavior. When a kid is exposed to just the game,
for an extended period of time, the imagery from the game can become
imbedded in their mind (Drinka). The kid is holed up in their room, playing games
until the early hours of the morning. Its easy for the kid to become influenced by
what theyâ??re experiencing. These effects may be subtle, as they donâ??t cause a
direct behavior change. Like CBS mentioned, â??â?¦the task force found a
consistent relationship between the games and an increase in “aggressive
behavior” as well as a decrease in “prosocial behavior, empathy, and sensitivity
to aggression” and that this behavior continued for some time.â? (CBS) Video
games have been shown to lead to an increase in aggressive behavior, and a
decrease in these other areas. This is different than saying the video games
directly cause violent behaviors. Instead, they influence the child to be more
susceptible to influence. An article published by Harvard Health showed a similar
result. Specifically, â??A 2001 report of the U.S. Surgeon General on the topic of
youth violence made a similar judgment. Some meta-analyses of the literature â??
reviewing psychological research studies and large observational studies â?? have
found an association between violent video games and increased aggressive
thinking and behavior in youths� (Harvard). These games lead to changes in
aggression and empathy, which then lead to an increased likelihood to express
violent behavior.
People who are already more aggressive are likely to express more
violent behaviors. The strongest evidence of this comes from cases of school
shootings. Many of the people responsible did play video games, however they
also had underlying traits that predisposed them to be violent. These personality
traits include anger, psychosis, and aggression. Due to the presence of these
traits, itâ??s unlikely that the violent behavior was caused solely by the video games
(Harvard). These kids already had the potential within them, so to speak. The
exposure to extreme violence in these videogames simply helped to unlock that
dangerous potential. Two psychologists, Dr. Patrick Markey of Villanova
University and Dr. Charlotte Markey of Rutgers University â??concluded that the
combination of three personality traits might be most likely to make an individual
act and think aggressively after playing a violent video game� (Harvard). These
three traits were high neuroticism, disagreeableness, and low levels of
conscientiousness. Its in kids who display these traits that we see an increase in
aggression after playing violent video games. An accumulation of risk factors, like
antisocial behavior, depression, home trouble, delinquency or academic
problems, has shown a similar correlation with the expression of aggression
(CBS). In other words, children with many of the risk factors listed are more likely
to be influenced by the violence they experience from video games.
Many want to argue that video games cause violent behavior. However,
research does not support this claim. Evidence has only been found to support
the claim that playing these games increases aggression. As mentioned in one of
Dr. Christopher Fergusonâ??s papers, â??many studies on the issue of media violence
rely on measures to assess aggression that don’t correlate with real-world
violence â?? and even more important, many are observational approaches that
don’t prove cause and effectâ? (Harvard). One of the biggest issues with so-called
evidence supporting this claim is its reliability. If the findings canâ??t be applied to
the real world, then its much more difficult to argue the point with evidence that
will hold up. Studies simply cannot prove a cause-and-effect relationship
between violent video game and violent behavior. There are too many other
factors at play, which are also influencing behavior.
The broadest solution to this issue is simply to monitor the amount of time
spent isolated with these games. Parents can set time limits on gaming. Kids
should also be encouraged to go outside and interact with others, in person, not
just online (Harvard). This facilitates the development of proper social behavior.
Kids learn how to properly express their emotions and release aggression in nonviolent ways. This can really help kids, especially if they have an aggressive
predisposition, or experience some of the risk factors. Itâ??s even more crucial that
these kids learn how to release their aggression in a healthy way and interact
with their peers in person. Kids who isolate themselves away to play video
games every day, and have a violent predisposition are more susceptible to
influence, and therefore more likely to express increased aggression.
Works Cited
Casey, Michael. â??Do Violent Video Games Lead to Criminal Behavior?â? CBS News,
CBS Interactive, 17 Aug. 2015, www.cbsnews.com/news/do-violent-video-games-leadto-criminal-behavior/.
Kushner, David. “Violent Video Games Do Not Cause Aggression.” Video Games, edited by
Laurie Willis, Greenhaven Press, 2010. Opposing Viewpoints. Opposing Viewpoints in Context,
https://montgomerycollege.idm.oclc.org/login?url=http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/EJ301066
9221/OVIC?u=rock77357&xid=c0c4cf03. Accessed 11 Mar. 2018. Originally published as “Off
Target,” Electronic Gaming Monthly, Aug. 2007, pp. 12-16.
Drinka, George. “Violent Video Games Can Desensitize Players and Increase
Aggression.” Violent Video Games, edited by Roman Espejo, Greenhaven Press, 2015. At
Issue. Opposing Viewpoints in Context,
https://montgomerycollege.idm.oclc.org/login?url=http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/EJ
3010926203/OVIC?u=rock77357&xid=6c7da583. Accessed 11 Mar. 2018. Originally
published as “Violent Video Games and Adam Lanza’s Inner World, Part 1 and Violent
Video Games and Adam Lanza’s Inner World, Part 2,” Psychology Today, 7 Mar. 2013.
Fraser, Ashley M., et al. “Associations between Violent Video Gaming, Empathic
Concern, and Prosocial Behavior Toward Strangers, Friends, and Family
Members.” Journal of Youth and Adolescence, vol. 41, no. 5, 2012, pp. 636-49,
ProQuest, https://montgomerycollege.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search-proquestcom.montgomerycollege.idm.oclc.org/docview/1012767388?accountid=39773,
doi:http://dx.doi.org.montgomerycollege.idm.oclc.org/10.1007/s10964-012-9742-2.
“Violent Video Games Influence Children to Kill.” Violence in the Media, edited by
Dedria Bryfonski, Greenhaven Press, 2014. Current Controversies. Opposing Viewpoints
in Context,
https://montgomerycollege.idm.oclc.org/login?url=http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/EJ
3010069236/OVIC?u=rock77357&xid=3bd400d6. Accessed 11 Mar. 2018. Originally
published in Flare, 15 Mar. 2011.
Hollingdale, Jack, and Tobias Greitemeyer. “The Effect of Online Violent Video Games
on Levels of Aggression.” PLoS One, vol. 9, no. 11, 2014, ProQuest,
https://montgomerycollege.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search-proquestcom.montgomerycollege.idm.oclc.org/docview/1623314258?accountid=39773,
doi:http://dx.doi.org.montgomerycollege.idm.oclc.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0111
Tear, Morgan J., and Mark Nielsen. “Failure to Demonstrate that Playing Violent Video
Games Diminishes Prosocial Behavior.” PLoS One, vol. 8, no. 7, 2013, ProQuest,
https://montgomerycollege.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search-proquestcom.montgomerycollege.idm.oclc.org/docview/1382398304?accountid=39773,
doi:http://dx.doi.org.montgomerycollege.idm.oclc.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0068
Toppo, Greg. â??Do Video Games Inspire Violent Behavior?â? Scientific American,
Scientific American, 1 July 2015, www.scientificamerican.com/article/do-videogames-inspire-violent-behavior/.
Cooper, Roanna, et al. â??Do Video Games Influence Violent Behavior?â? Michigan
Youth Violence Prevention Center, University of Michigan, 14 Dec. 2015,
yvpc.sph.umich.edu/video-games-influence-violent-behavior/.
â??Violent Video Games and Young People.â? Harvard Health, Harvard Health
Publishing, Oct. 2010, www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/violent-videogames-and-young-people.

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